I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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