If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize