WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
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I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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