Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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