No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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