Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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