He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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