Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
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Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
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I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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