So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize