that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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