Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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