Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize