I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
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She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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