Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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