just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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