Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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