I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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