Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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