He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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