I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
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went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize