just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize