So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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