dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
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Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
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ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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