I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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