You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize