I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize