The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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