The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
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Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
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Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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