Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
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I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
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I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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