so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
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he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
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Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize