It's Friday. Sex?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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