ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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