I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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