mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize