This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
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I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
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How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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