I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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