i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize