I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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