some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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