I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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