just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid is not a monday night drug
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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