Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize