i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize