Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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