No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
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Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
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I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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