Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
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