yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize