I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
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somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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