We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
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New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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