Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize