just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize