You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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